two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
