U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
