I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
