At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
