I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
