i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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