Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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