I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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