It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
