do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
