just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
