I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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