So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
