Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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