god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
