We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk is not a location!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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