I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
