Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Randomize
