When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
