I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Did I show you my penis last night?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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