Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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