rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
