We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
