I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
