what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
