I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
