The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
