She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
