so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
