I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
