there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
