she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
