he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
