It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
