she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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