try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
