we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
