I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
