OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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