i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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