im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
