as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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