I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Randomize
