Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
