Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
