I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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