My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
