you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you had me at cake vodka
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
