I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
