The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
